College Quill
Description: The Brown Noser is Brown University’s satirical newspaper. It was founded in 2006. Its current editors-in-chief are Henry Block, Declan Johnson, Annie Cimack, and Dana Herrnstadt.
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Reports indicate senior Sarah Michaels has put on her cap and gown and permanently taken out her nose ring. “I’ve had her for four years, ever since that wild night freshman year when I got a little drunk and booked an appointment at Rockstar Body Piercing,” said Michaels, looking fondly at the nose ring.
Sources report that local zookeeper Aaron Brunt is reassuring a concerned crowd that giraffes also suffer from a severe, debilitating feeling of ennui in the wild. “Don’t worry, a sense of utter hopelessness is business as usual for these tall fellows!” said Brunt cheerily, ensuring that no onlookers connected the dots between the giraffes’ run-down enclosure and their subdued demeanor.
A current passenger on Air Force One, journalist Ari Gelb, is wondering if the president would mind if he took off his shoes on the plane. “This is a really tough call for me,” stated Gelb as he tentatively reached down to the laces of his dress shoes.
College Quill