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The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they believe in fairness more than you do.

That’s why EVERY child gets a trophy just for participating these days. Number and letter grades have been expelled from grammar school — no one ever “fails” a class anymore, they merely need a little “improvement.” And everyone, all the time, at every possible moment, is always a winner (except, of course, for those “losers who take drugs,” claim our kids’ anti-drug coloring books).

Why have we become so insistent on making everyone feel so victoriously “equal?” Because we’re not equal. And we all know this… except for the Best Parent Ever. Equality is a subjective concept that always looks most promising when you’re at the top of the food chain. And it’s the job of the noble BPE to smother us with this glorious “fairness,” lest we notice how crushingly unfair it all is. This is just basic Lion King 101. You wonderful gazelles shouldn’t mind being eaten , the King of the Jungle says, b

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